My Confession
I have a confession to make. I may have said yes a lot...okay, I said yes way too many times. I like to work with people, and when opportunities come my way, I would jump on them (the opportunity not the people). I have a great friend who holds me accountable, and he will tell me to stop saying yes in a kind and caring way. I had to learn to say “No”. At times, I had to say no to what sounded like a great idea. Saying yes to one thing is saying no to something else.
The Focus to Say No
Saying no can be hard at times. Saying no to mediocre opportunities is easy. The difference between exceptional results and being average is what you avoid. Saying no to good opportunities is difficult.
One thing that everyone shares are the number of hours in a day. What separates effective and impactful people from others is how they use them.
I believe that anyone can do anything, but I know that you can't do everything.
The Price of Saying Yes
Very time you say yes, you are spending your time. Time has a cost associated with it. In economics, time is valued as an opportunity cost. Saying yes commits you to something. When we say yes, the opportunity cost may become more expensive than you were expecting.
Saying yes is fun, feels good, and makes you a team player, the go-to person. We say yes because we don't want to hurt someone's feelings. We say yes to be polite. We say yes out of obligation. We say yes because we 'should.'
Saying yes and not focusing on results gets us into trouble. Saying yes should ultimately lead to results.
I recently said yes to an opportunity that I thought had potential. I did not think the entire process through. In addition, my mindset was not on the same page as the other individuals. This caused some confusion and conflict. Saying yes carries a cost.
What starts as a single meeting becomes a weekly one. A small project becomes a large one. A one-time event with colleagues turns into a weekly session.
The difference between average results and exceptional ones is what you avoid.
Be Quick to No and Slow to Yes
Be quick to say no and slow to say yes. Saying yes consumes time. Saying no creates time.
Never say yes on the spot. Always give yourself some space. Make it a rule. Tell people No.
When you say no, it gives you that time you need to think it through, process the request, and look at it from all angles. In fact, when I ask for a commitment from anyone, I tell them, do not answer me right now, give it time and call me later.
It is funny that I give people that permission, but I never gave it to myself. As I said, I am recovering from saying yes.
Now my answer is, let me think about this for a little while. If you need some distance, try saying, "I will get back to you by the end of the week" or in 24 hours. The key is to give the person an answer. Even if it is a “no”, they will respect you for that.
Never say yes because you should say yes.
If you choose to say yes, make it for a reason. Your reason. Choose to make it your priority.
I read an article on when to say yes to an opportunity. And they gave a way to work it out in your head. If you want to see how often you say yes for the wrong reasons, try finishing this sentence every time you say yes: I am choosing to say yes because …
When you work it out in your head, you'll realize just how often you say yes for the wrong reasons.
The bar for yes should be high and continuously get higher. You might say yes to everything to gain experience when you're first starting. Later, however, you'll need to be more selective.
One of my problems, when I said yes, I ended up saying yes to mediocre opportunities. As a people pleaser (a different topic to write about), I felt that I would let people down by saying no. However, by saying yes, I let myself down and got overwhelmed, and other areas of my life suffered.
Anyone can say no to crappy opportunities. Only a master will say no to good opportunities. If you don't say no to good options, you will never have time for great ones. Saying no is hard.
I have said yes to pitches for guests on my podcast throughout my career, despite my best instincts (correctly) telling me they would result in lackluster interviews. This is not only a bad experience for the audience. It is not fair to the guest.
I have sometimes said yes to attending events I wasn't genuinely interested in. I went because a friend was going, or I thought I could expand my network. Because I was not intrested, to begin with, it led to boredom upon arrival and a very unpleasant evening.
I was once told to speak at as many places as possible to get public speaking experience. I have said yes to speaking engagements where the audience was not a fit for my expert topic. Saying yes to talking at the critter club dinner takes me from the projects I actively want to pursue.
Saying no is like saving your money in the bank, whereas saying yes is spending it. Most of us are on overdraft. Before you say yes, ask yourself if it's necessary. The next time you are asked to do something that initially sounds exciting, stop and think about how much less exciting work will be involved if you say yes.
Set Boundaries and Limits On Saying Yes
Every time you need to make a decision, it takes time and energy. We have all suffered from decision fatigue at some point in our lives. And the more you are asked to do things, the more decisions you must make.
Play a game with your decision process. For instance, you have to say no to ten others for every opportunity you say yes to. This makes saying yes more painful than saying no.
When developing your own rules, consider your strengths and the type of activities that energize you.
Choosing between options or saying yes or no to opportunities is hard — but being deliberate in how you make decisions can be the difference between a successful and fulfilling life and one that is significantly less so.